If It Were Anyone Else's Life
by KellyBallerina
Summary: If it were anyone else's life, she would think it was kind of funny.  But it's not and it isn't.  And it never will be.  Lies never are.


**I'm back to FanFictionLand. I have no excuses.**

**Please Read, Review, and Enjoy.**

**This can take place wherever it makes most sense to you, but it defiantly sometime during the season finale.  
>Just a moment inside one of our favorite Liar's head.<br>**

**DISCLAIMER: Pretty Little Liars is not mine.**

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><p>It started with a lie. Her lie. She knew that.<p>

Or ended, actually. That is more accurate. It was the start of the end.

She knew she had no right to blame him. As much as she tried to convince herself he was he bad guy here, being _that guy_, the one who would go back to his conniving, manipulative, evil, disturbing...

She could go on for days, and still find new descriptions for Jenna Marshall. Her genius IQ did come in handy at times.

But it didn't change the fact that Toby was with _her_, instead of the girl whose heart he still held.

This was the crazy part. None of this was her. A Hastings was nothing if not in control, and she was an expert at being a Hastings.

But Toby made her do crazy things. He had always had that effect on her, and apparently in continued, even when she felts worlds away from him.

How had it come to this? How had A had the power to screw with her life so completely that she was forced to shred the heart of the only person she had ever truly loved? How had she let her life be taken over by such a monster? On paper it all seemed so stupid, so futile and immature. Her life was being controlled by an anonymous texter.

But it wasn't futile. It was very real.

And she would rather Toby hate her, if it meant that he was alive.

A dead Toby couldn't love her, either.

If it were anyone else's life, she would think it was kind of funny. The beginning of the end began with a lie. What in her life had not begun with, ended with, and contained many lies in between? That's who she was. It is who this ridiculous, disturbed texter had made her.

Scratch that. Alison had made her a liar long before that.

There was nothing funny about it.

If she really wanted to be honest with herself, it had all begun with a lie.

Back before they fell in love, before they played Scrabble, before they had been framed for murder, before the death, before the disappearance, before they had been anything more than strangers and neighbours, it started with lies. It was the only thing she knew she could count on.

Well, that, and him.

But she had screwed that on up beyond repair.

If it were anyone else's life, she would think it was kind of funny. It began with a lie. A lie that began as just that. A lie. False. Not true.

And since then, she had made it true.

There was another boy from before. She wasn't in a relationship with him, but he sure did exist. And since Toby had left, she had been with him. She had done things with him she was not proud of, things she did not want to do with anyone_ but_ Toby.

They weren't together anymore, so why did it feel like she had cheated on him?

She knew she was a lot of things. She was competitive and terrifying and bloodthirsty, but she didn't think she was disloyal. Especially towards Toby.

She knew that if she came to clean to the lies, he would forgive her. And that had almost seemed possible. They were so close to figuring out who A was. They were so close to the end. And one it was all over, no more threats, no more lies, no more fears, she could be honest.

But honesty would kill him now.

How could she possibly tell Toby that she had lied to him to protect him, that she had not been unfaithful, but once they were over she had been with another? It would kill him. And that was the one thing she was trying to prevent.

Causing Toby's death.

How had her world come to this?

If it were anyone else's life, she would think it was kind of funny.

But she didn't.

Because it wasn't anyone else's life.

It was hers.

And she was the only one who had to live it.

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><p><strong>Well, was that decent? Am I forgiven? Please review.<br>I am working on another Spencer and Toby one shot, what this was actually supposed to be, and I really want to know if I got inside her head properly. **

**To anyone who follows, or I guess used to follow, my One Tree Hill story, There's Always a Reason, I have news. I know I have been away forever, and I don't blame you if you do not continue reading my updates, but, THERE WILL BE UPDATES. Soon. I hope. I have been thinking a lot about it, and about all of you, and I want to finish it. I am just at a little bit of a loss. I have been for a while now. so if you want me to continue the story, send me a message and give me suggestions.**

**I am writing this here instead of creating an author's note chapter because there is nothing I loathe more than getting an email about an update on your favorite story and finding out it is just there to tease you.**

**As you know, reviews are like candy to me. Or coffee. One of those. And the more of them I get, the more I will write, whether it is Pretty Little Liars or One Tree Hill, or anything else for that matter. I ahve some other stuff floating around in my head.**

**Bottom line is: I am sorry. I love you. I love reviews.**

**Kelly  
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